Sunday, August 6, 2017

More Videos by Arabella on I Feel Myself

The filename of this video was "cinemaginary 1" which indicated that there might be a part 2. On the IFeelMyself website you can click a girl's name and get her biography and all her vids. So next I enjoyed Arabella's "cinemaginary 2".

It was the same room and bed but a different camera angle, Arabella got naked right away. The first part was a rear view, her lovely smooth ass with her hand burrowed down between her legs to play with her pussy. Halfway through the video she rolled onto her back and spread her legs apart. We get a fairly good view of her plump hairless pussy lips and can get a better idea of her technique, rubbing two fingers up and down over her clitoris and inner lips.

We can see her creamy white breasts jiggling as she vigorously rubs her pussy, hear her gasping and watch her twitch a bit as she triggers little electric shocks of pleasure. She builds inexorably to orgasm, sitting halfway up again, gasping, her body jerking. Totally believable, and I was there with her again every step of the way, except the climax. She lay back quietly for a moment then got dressed and left the room.

I moved on to another pair of Arabella's videos, "tapdanc 1" and "tapdanc 2". Unlike the first pair, which were home made, these were studio shot. In the first video she starts off wearing glasses, unglamorous, but I like it. She is wearing a dress, the top of which promptly gets unbuttoned so she can play with her nipples. She also gropes her crotch through the thin cotton dress. After a minute she slips out of her bra and flips her skirt up, revealing white panties, just briefly, then she casts them aside also.

Arabella is now vigorously stroking up and down between her legs and playing continuously with her lovely and very erect nipples. I especially enjoyed watching her soft white breasts jiggling as she vigorously frigged herself. She used the same technique, fingers between pink pussy lips, until orgasm jerked her almost upright. To the end she still has her bra and dress wrapped around her waist.

There are two brief close-ups between her legs, but not much is revealed as her plump outer lips almost hide her clitoris and inner lips, plus her hand is in the way. This actually adds to the realism, if she were following a script or a director's cues, we would certainly get a better look at her moist pink inner parts.

Part two picks up immediately after orgasm number one, cumming once apparently isn't enough for IFeelMyself. Arabella still has her bra and dress wrapped around her, panties and glasses at her side, hand on her pussy. She quickly sheds all her clothes. Despite having seen her mostly exposed throughout part one, it is still a thrill to see her now lying back fully nude.

There is a beautifully lit and nicely framed shot of Arabella lying naked and doing her thing, one hand for nipples, the other between her legs. For the first time we get a good look at what she is doing down there, dragging two fingers up and down between inner and outer labia and pinching together on her clitoris. It is pink and moist down there, very pretty.

A shot from directly above gives an excitingly voyeuristic view of this girl lying nude and playing with herself. This is a trademark of the IFeelMyself videos, the overhead view. Another between the legs closeup shows that Arabella is now probing more deeply, her fingers poking into her vagina at the bottom of each stroke.

As I mentioned before, I was masturbating right along with Arabella. Watching her from directly above I admired her white breasts jiggling and her body writhing gently as she built up towards climax. When she began to jerk and gasp I was tempted to allow myself to orgasm and ejaculate, to share the moment with her.

Arabella has three more video segments on the site, of her with a female companion, studio shot. I will describe them in a future blog.

On my first day with I Feel Myself I "felt myself", continuously, for five hours and my enthusiasm never waned. Basically, I just kept masturbating with the girls.

I highly recommend this site. The examples I have described in these three posts, of Arabella, are not necessarily representative, I will blog later about something very different, by a girl named Lilley.

See for yourself:

Arabella's Video on I Feel Myself

Arabella's video begins with her walking down the hall, barefoot, into a bedroom. The video is labeled as home made, so we can assume it is her own room, bright and breezy, a nice place to have sex. She has lovely skin and is sexily shapely, wearing only simple panties and a skimpy camisole.

She pulls back the sheet and lies down on the bed, picks up a book and begins to read -- D.H. Lawrence's "The Rainbow". In 1915 this book was sexually explicit enough to be banned. It includes a lesbian relationship, a theme also in its sequel "Women in Love". Apparently Arabella finds it arousing because almost immediately she begins to touch herself, first her hand goes up under her top to stroke her breasts, then down between her legs. It is a delightfully slow start to what promises to be a nice indulgence in self-pleasuring. I have certainly masturbated to many books myself, even D.H. Lawrence, so it made a connection.

Before long Arabella puts the book down and begins to use both hands at once, squirming a bit in response to her fondling. She pulls her top up, showing us her milky white breasts and erect nipples, then takes it off entirely. It is almost halfway through the seven-minute video before she strips off her panties.

The static camera position and single long take adds to the voyeurism, it is like I am standing next to her bed watching her. She is lying flat on her back, one hand between her legs probing and pulling, at the same time playing with one nipple.

Unexpectedly we hear a knock on the door and she gets up to answer it. Apparently it is a delivery, door opening, a male voice, door closing, then she is back. Did she go to the door naked, or cover up somehow? It doesn't seem like part of a script, I think she was filming herself masturbating when she was interrupted, these things happen.

It doesn't take Arabella long to get back into action and the intensity increases. Her lips are parted and she is moving her torso and legs subtly in response to the sensations from her pussy. We see her body stiffen and tense as she rapidly strokes herself, then she sits halfway up as she convulses with orgasm. No fake passion, no squeals or moans or words even, just heavy breathing and gasps. Then she relaxes with a slight sigh, and rolls over to doze off.

So, for me at least, this randomly selected video was a grabber. It wasn't explicit, we never even saw her pink pussy parts, and there were no closeups. But it was real. The literary touch was nice, a bit of story telling.

Two things about this connected with me and my own sexuality. First was the voyeuristic aspect. Even though separated from Arabella in space and time, I felt that I was being given a privileged opportunity to watch this sensuous young woman pleasuring herself.

Second was the participatory factor -- we were doing the same thing. I was masturbating right along with her, stroking my penis as she played with her pussy, probably experiencing very similar sensations. I have to say, it was a joy to masturbate with Arabella.

Of course, there was one difference -- she orgasmed and I didn't. It was an exciting and pleasurable seven minutes watching her build up and then climax, but my personal plan was to keep masturbating for hours, so I just edged close to orgasm then carefully slowed down.

Check it out on:

New Website to Recommend

I discovered a new website yesterday and I have become obsessed with it.

First let me say that I have been a sex addict since I discovered how to masturbate at age eleven, and it is still my favorite thing in life.  I am a serious and dedicated recreational masturbator.

I began my daily routine yesterday by checking a few forums and my e-mail, to see if anything sexy was going on. I also turned on Skype, in case somebody who shares my interests might want to chat or cam. But there was nothing much going on in my social media, sex-wise.

Next I started to browse videos on my favorite tube site, Usually only about one in ten porn vids appeal to me, I am rather picky, and my needs vary day to day. But then I found a video titled something like "Girl Masturbating".

Normally I find these jill-off videos kind of boring, a nice opportunity to ogle some gorgeous women, but the girls are too often just performing. They are putting on a show so we can enjoy staring at their bodies, which is fine, but not very engaging. I find also that the girls tend to be a bit too polished to be convincing, they are porn actresses, not real girls.

But this particular video I stumbled on was different. The girl was the sort you might meet in everyday life, a very nice body and not slutty. Also I got the impression that she was not faking it, that she was actually masturbating to please herself and her orgasm was real. I found a few more of these videos and got more and more excited. All the ladies seemed to be genuinely masturbating, not performing.

So I tracked down the source website,, and had a look. There is a nice statement of the website's intentions on their about page: to present "real, natural, and ethical representations of female self-pleasure" and "real women having real orgasms".

I allow myself to subscribe to one pay-site at a time, and had just cancelled Met-Art after a couple of months. The Met Art models are gorgeous, the photography excellent, and I had downloaded a massive number of photos. The girls are naked and they pose with their legs apart, but it is all sort of innocent, soft-core glamor. I appreciate their beauty, and can masturbate almost indefinitely while leering at girl after girl, but eventually I want something more explicit. The usual answer is hard-core porn video, sucking and fucking, niche and kink.

But I Feel Myself offered something different. There were all the familiar luscious female parts on display, but a believable scenario, and real sex. These girls were enjoying sex, just like I do, using their hands (and sometimes toys) to give themselves pleasure.

I paid my month-to-month subscription and started watching the videos, selected sort of randomly from among the most recent. The first one I watched featured a girl named Arabella_M, a 25 year-old from Australia (where the site is based). Her seven video segments have all been created in the last few months (April to July 2017).

Monday, December 26, 2016

Discovering Myself - Part Eight


27. masturbation fun with two boys

I wouldn't be seeing Lola for the next two days, she had to go off somewhere with her family. I didn't know any other girls intimately enough to talk about sex with them, let alone get naked and masturbate together.

But my sex drive was out of control, I couldn't think about anything else. All I wanted to do was to let my penis stand free, huge and hard, and stroke it all day and all night. I could do myself at home, secretly, quickies in the bathroom, over and over, but somehow that was not enough. I needed someone to share it with, someone equally as excited about the joy and mystery of masturbation. A girl companion would have been wonderful, but I had discovered that jerking off with guys was pretty exciting also.

I masturbated before I got out of bed, thinking of Lola's rosy nipples and the moist pink parts between her legs. I thought it might satisfy my needs for awhile, a few moments of pleasure and filling a tissue with thick gooey cum. But actually it made things worse. Normally in the summer I had breakfast still wearing my pajamas, but my morning wood just wouldn't go away. I couldn't let my mother see me with that huge thing pushing at the thin fabric, so I had to get dressed.

I went to the country club that morning, hoping to find a jerk-off companion.  Sure enough Ian showed up, probably feeling urges similar to my own. Yes, he immediately asked if I wanted to jerk off again, with him and his friend Petey. Despite my sexual adventures the day before with Lola, and the quiet wank at dawn, I was urgently ready again.

Masturbating with a guy, or guys, was different than what Lola and I had been experimenting with. Jerking with the guys was mostly just simple crude fun, kind of like sports - a sport at which I excelled. But it wasn't just the naughty fun of doing it together, it was exciting to have others watching me, and to stare at their penises. The very idea of exposing what we had been taught to keep covered up, and to watch each other do this outrageous thing we had discovered got me very excited.

Petey had a place in mind. We crashed through the woods and up a steep ravine until we got to a clearing. This was well away from any houses, screened by forest, and posted as no trespassing, so we would be free of observation and interruption.

The three of us stood under a tree at the edge of the clearing and looked at each other. Ian started off by saying "Petey really likes your huge prick, he has been talking about it, pull it out and show him again."

This was something new and exciting, being ordered to show off, and for a guy at that. But I had no problem with it, I was getting used to showing my penis to Lola, and had jerked off with both of these boys before. Besides I was totally in love with my big thing, proud of it, and eager to have it admired.

I fished my dick out through the fly of my briefs and my jeans and let it hang, the familiar huge soft-on. Petey was staring, very interested. Almost immediately my penis began to harden and rise and within seconds it was standing out, fully erect, rather magnificent I thought.

"Shit, what a monster, makes me horny just looking at it" Petey enthused, as he dropped his pants and underpants and grabbed himself. Ian did the same. I gave them a little show of my big horn sticking out through the fly of my jeans, turning back and forth, not touching it, just showing it off. Then I stripped off my pants and underpants.

So now there we were, three fourteen year old boys with their boners in their hands. We stroked ourselves, enjoying the excitement and naughtiness. They were staring fascinated at my big cock, I was basking in their admiration.

It would be years before I knew the terms exhibitionist and voyeur, but essentially that is what we were enjoying. I was exhibiting, they were leering at me.

I took the logical next step, pulled off my t-shirt and stood there naked. I quite shamelessly showed off for them, turning around and letting them look at me from all angles, stroking my magnificent penis with its fascinating foreskin. They stood with their pants halfway down, stroking themselves rapidly as they silently watched my show.

It was a strange new sort of fun, showing off nude, in front of two boys who were nominally clothed though indecently exposed. I stroked my penis slowly and provocatively for them to watch. I held my thighs together and bent backwards, straining my prick upwards. I wagged it around, bounced it up and down, back and forth, thrust my hips out aiming it at them. I even turned away, bent far forward, and pushed my dick and balls backwards between my legs to bulge out at them.

I slipped my shoes back on then stepped into the sunlit meadow. It was a good feeling, very vulnerable, standing in the open like that, buck naked. Even more daring because I was erect and playing with myself. I continued my show for the two boys, the voyeurism enhanced because I was out in the bright sunlight and they were half hidden in the shade, staring at me.

I was discovering that I had strong exhibitionist tendencies. I turned my back on the boys, pretending that I didn't know that they were there. Somehow I felt most excitingly nude when I was showing them my gleaming white butt, but I also wanted them to see my big prick. So I pivoted back and forth, turning to alternately show my profile, then my backside.

I walked slowly back under the trees, stroking myself without pause. Although I liked being the only one naked, and having them watch me, I thought they might get a thrill out of running bare-ass in the open. They were reluctant, jerking was all they had been intending to do, and it was relatively safe, if anyone discovered us they could hide their dicks in a second and flee into the bushes. But I wanted them to be more daring. I taunted them, challenged them to be as bold as I was.

"I dare you to take off all your clothes and run across the meadow with me!" This was standard kid stuff, daring each other, sort of a code of honor to do what you were dared to do. "I DARE you!"

They looked at each other, then reluctantly stripped to just their tennis shoes. I ran out into the meadow and they scampered after me. I paused in the very center to show off, penis in hand, but they just ran past me, their dicks bouncing wildly. They hid in the shade on the far side as I followed slowly, my arms held wide in sort of a "look at me" posture.

When I stepped into the shade, almost like going into the privacy of a room, the boys were stroking themselves rapidly, obviously revved up by the daring experience. But they also looked very nervous. I didn't need to dare them to run back naked, they had no choice because their clothes were over there. I could see that they were going to bolt any second.

"I dare you to stop in the middle and count to ten." They took off instantly, I enjoyed watching their white butts. They took the dare, pausing halfway across for a very quick ten-count with dicks in hand, then sprinted to cover and the security of their clothes.

I followed them slowly, enjoying the unique sensation of strolling around with my big erection bobbing. I was relishing the way I was totally exposed and vulnerable, wondering if maybe somebody other than the boys was watching me? Every few paces I stopped and stroked, turning around so hidden admirers could all see me. There was almost certainly nobody else watching, but I enjoyed it anyway. Delightful exhibitionism, it came so naturally to me.

When I got back Ian and Petey had put their underpants and pants on, but not pulled them all the way up.

"You are crazy, I mean really CRAZY, to go out there like that!" Ian said, more admiringly than critical. "What if someone was watching?"

"Well, you were watching, weren't you? I like being watched, its exciting," I confessed, realizing how true it was. I stepped back out into the meadow to show off for them again.

I stroked steadily to a dramatic climax, shooting creamy streams in the sunlight, thinking of the two nasty boys watching me. I hoped that they were following my cue, cumming in the darkness.

When I walked back into the shade the boys had zipped up and were sitting on a log, shirtless. I looked around and, sure enough, there was cum glistening on the dusty ground. I sat down on a log opposite them.

"Don't you want to get dressed?" Petey asked, a bit shocked at my behavior. We had all had shot our loads, it was over, at least for awhile.

"No, I am fine this way." I sat there naked, my big soft-on hanging down.

"Let's do this again tomorrow." I suggested. They looked a bit dubious, things had gone a strangely different way than they had expected, more than just three boys jerking off together. They were uneasy about running around naked, and puzzled at the way I had been showing off for them.

"Let's meet at the country club entrance at noon, bring lunches, we can come up here to eat them." I was laying it down as sort of a challenge. "Don't you want to jerk off again?"

28. four boys watching me

As arranged, I was waiting at the country club gate at noon. Ian was already there, Petey showed up a few minutes later. He had two boys I didn't know with him, probably a couple of kids he had jerked off in the bushes with, like we had. Or maybe, I thought with sudden excitement, maybe they had been brought along to look at me, to admire my giant penis.

The five of us walked up the hill, kind of jostling each other and joking around the way boys do.  We ducked into the forest, sliding under a fence at the no trespassing boundary. It was watershed land, closed to public use, but not very diligently patrolled.

We had brought bag lunches and soft drinks in cans. All four of them crowded side by side onto a log, leaving me to sit alone on a stump in front of them. This gave me a hint of the situation, it wasn't just "us" planning to jerk off, it was "them" who were going to be jerking off while I entertained them. Something new, and exciting, for all of us.

There was no real conversation, just some shoving and quarreling about who was hogging the log. When I had eaten half my sandwich I decided to move things along. I stood up and took my shirt off. Then my pants. They kept eating, but were paying attention. It was like they were watching television while having lunch.

The new guys were Petey's friends and he had promised them something special. "This guy has the biggest prick you have ever seen" he said.

That was obviously my cue. I turned away and stripped off my underpants, then turned back for inspection. Maybe I was just a bit intimidated by the situation, them being clothed and me naked, which explained why I was not erect. Just my huge soft-on, hanging down.

I could feel their eyes on me, actually just on my penis. It began to twitch and lengthen as we all stared at it. I wagged my hips to swing it back and forth. When it was almost full length it began to rise. The foreskin pulled back over the ridge and exposed my knob as it rose to full horizontal erection. Seven and a half inches on a skinny fourteen year old kid.

"Wow, that is awesome" one of the new kids said. "Yeah, totally huge" added the other. "I said you would be impressed" Petey claimed some credit. I noticed that the boys weren't talking to me, they were sharing with each other, spectators.

I perched on the stump again and started the second half of my sandwich, incongruously naked. I crossed my legs at the knee, bulging my penis and balls up, making them even more obvious. No more conversation, such as it had been, we just ate, drank, they stared, and I was stared at.

When we had all finished our sandwiches I stood up and displayed my naked body and amazing cock again. Now I liked it that they were clothed and I was nude, I didn't even need to touch myself to stay at quivering maximum erection. They seemed a bit dubious about what I was doing, but it didn't discourage them.

"Want to jerk off?" I asked. No response, they just stared at me. "Well I do. You can watch me."

So I put on a performance, like I had done the day before, out in the sunny meadow, displaying my nakedness and working my big cock. I was indulging my new-found passion for exhibiting myself, flaunting my sexuality, showing off my body.

The boys were watching with silent seriousness, getting really randy, but nobody wanted to be the first to pull his dick out. But after watching me caper for a while Ian broke the ice, yanked his pants down and grabbed his stiff prick. Then they all stood up, dropped their pants, and started pulling on their stiffies.

I slowly paraded past them, standing in a line in front of the log, having a good look at all four little pricks. They weren't really little, only compared to mine, but they were really stiff and the boys were obviously very excited. I noticed minor variations, in length and thickness, size of knob, and coloring. One of them curved upward until it almost touched the boy's belly, another had a knob proportionately larger than the others.

I was thinking of Ian's claim to have seen dozens of penises. What a nasty boy, I thought, sneaking off in the bushes so many times, pulling his prick out and looking at other boys' erections, jerking off with them. I was envious. I had now seen four, not counting my own, and wanted more. If Ian's claim of "dozens" meant two dozen, that would be another twenty exposed penises for me to ogle before I caught up with him.

The boys probably thought I was kind of weird, showing off like I was, not just a regular kid who simply jerks until he comes. Masturbating with other boys was certainly not new to them, but before this they had all been equals, just boys having nasty fun, each with his own thing. Now this was something new, jerking while looking at me.

I enjoyed knowing that it was watching me that was making them horny. As we masturbated together they were all staring at my penis, and I was watching them watch me. I was being the total exhibitionist.

Looking back on this incident, I don't think there was anything particularly homosexual about it. Those boys weren't lusting after other little boys, it was just natural sexuality curiosity. If Petey had been able to talk a girl into coming along and taking her clothes off, it would have been much the same. In a way I was playing the role of a bad girl showing off to entertain the guys.

I stepped up to Ian and thrust my prick out. "Want to touch it?"

He did, he stroked the foreskin back and forth, squeezed it a bit. "It sure is big." Petey reached over and grasped me also. I moved down the line, letting the two new boys, I didn't even know their names, have a grab also. I was expecting it when one of them asked me why my prick was different? As usual I just said I didn't know.

Their original idea of just going out in the woods and jerking off had gotten a whole lot more involved, what with me running around naked, stroking my big thing for them, letting them touch the monster cock.

Petey had an idea. "I dare you to go out in the open and jerk off. I DARE you to go out there with no clothes on - and cum!" Maybe he was taunting me, getting back at me for making him run around naked the day before.

"Okay!" was all I said as I ran out twenty feet into the sunlight. "You guys have to jerk too." It was interesting that I wanted them to pleasure themselves as they watched me, that the feedback was so important to me.

After a few minutes of showing off I walked back into the shade. I said "This isn't good enough, you guys have to take all your clothes off too." They looked reluctant, especially the new guys, but when Ian and Petey started to strip they did the same, though not all the way.

Now I had four boys, standing in a row, shirtless and with their pants down, all masturbating nervously as they stared at me. Actually, they looked at each other also, sneaky sideways glances, like they couldn't believe they were doing this. But mostly they stared at my cock.

I stepped back into the open and concentrated on serious penis stroking, steady and intense. I turned after each few strokes to face a different direction, just in case there was anyone out there in the distance watching me.

"Come out here with me" I called to the boys half-hidden in the shade of the forest. No response. "Just come out a bit so I can see you". They wouldn't do that either. But I didn't need to see them, in a way it was more exciting to know that there were masturbating boys spying on me. Exhibitionists need voyeurs.

I put on a good show of slow stroking, showing off every way I could think of. I diddled my nipples, which always gave me a bit of an extra thrill. I thought of Lola's much larger nipples, and her white breasts. I wished that I had nipples and breasts to show off to the boys, wouldn't that make them horny!

I stepped back into the shade just in time to see one of the new boys spurt his cum, no longer able to control himself. Then the three others, all within a minute or so, stimulated by the sight of the each other. Each gasped out "I'm cumming" and they stared at each other as the pearly drops flew.

It was fun to watch this, but I was annoyed because they were not looking at me. So it surprised them when I suddenly shot my cum all over their bare bodies. It was a huge load that just kept coming, seven long full spurts and a couple of shorter ones. It seemed like every day I was producing more cum, which made for an even better show.

It was not like I hadn't given them warning, I had been dancing from foot to foot and moaning, telling them I was about to cum, but they had been busy with their own erratic little shots. When my cum started shooting they cried out and tried to dodge, but were hobbled by their pants down around their ankles. One of them even fell backwards over the log.

It had been a dramatic group climax, messy but fun. We were all grinning as they wiped themselves with their t-shirts, calling me a dirty pervert for cumming on them. I admitted I was a dirty pervert, and gave them another naked dance, wriggling my long pale snake of a now-soft penis. They just shook their heads, amazed at my crazy behavior.

29. about being an exhibitionist

That night in bed I thought over what had happened. The first day, with just Ian and Petey, it was not something I had planned, I was just following my instincts. Boys that age sneaking off to play with their dicks, that was normal, just simple fun. Being so daring, spontaneously getting naked and going out into the open, that was even more fun, but apparently something I enjoyed more than the other two did.

The second day it was all set up for me to indulge my urge to exhibit myself, and the larger audience made it even more exciting. Four boys, two of them total strangers, me the only one fully nude, cum flying everywhere. What a thrill!

The big revelation for me was how much I liked to be looked at, to show off naked, to let them watch me masturbate. The best part was when I couldn't see them, I was out there alone, naked in the sun, and I knew they were enjoying the sight and masturbating.

This is interesting in relation to my later life, my life as a girl. I haven't mentioned it before, but that is what was going to happen to me in another year. My life took a surprise turn and I became "transgendered", essentially a girl with a penis. I had this one year to enjoy being a priapic boy, sex-crazed but mostly normal. Then I started on a strikingly different adventure with a new sexual identity.

Guys tend to be voyeurs, they like looking at girls. Looking at Lola naked had been supremely exciting for me, a treat afforded very few boys my age. A little later some of my jerk-off buddies would introduce me to masturbating with girly magazines, staring at pictures of naked girls with big breasts and nipples. In that way I was a typical voyeuristic guy.

Now girls on the other hand, are often shy about watching, they tend to get embarrassed. But almost all of them like to be admired. They pay a lot of attention to how they dress, style their hair, wear make-up, parade around, all so guys will look at them. Most also enjoy showing off their bodies, safely within social limits, in swimsuits around the pool for example. And when the situation is just right they love having a guy stare at them naked.

So in a sense I was already an exhibitionist in the way that girls are - I liked getting the guy's attention. Even more, it was a thrill to see them get horny while staring at me.

The only regret I had about that afternoon of blatant exhibitionism was that I only had my nakedness and my big penis to show off for the boys. How much better it would have been if I had a pair of breasts, and big nipples! That would really have driven them crazy!

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Night train masturbation

I will probably actually make the train trip from Oakland to Chicago, just as described in my previous post, with two nights of gonzo self-abuse.

But this post is about my actual first time, my virgin sleeper-car-masturbation adventure.

I was in the west Highlands of Scotland and made a spur-of-the-moment decision to take the overnight train instead of spending the entire next day in transit. The trip began with an hour riding sitting up on a slow noisy train through wild country in darkness. Then I transferred to the Caledonian Sleeper, equipped with cabins with beds. I had a drink in the lounge car, then retired to my private cabin. There was a narrow bunk with a nice firm mattress and a light but warm duvet, all snowy white and very inviting. I wore a light cotton shirt because it was a bit chilly, but nothing below the waist.

It was supremely comfortable and subtly sexual to lie in bed in the dark cabin. I read for a while, then turned out the light and just lay there enjoying the hissing roar of the wheels and the constant slight swaying and changes of direction. I drifted off into a light sleep, but awoke when the train stopped for an hour in Edinburgh to couple on two other segments coming from Inverness and Aberdeen, and change from a diesel locomotive to an electric.

From then through to morning the train was on the main east coast line, quiet welded rail and very straight. We were speeding through the night at 100 to 120 miles per hour, a subtly different sensation than the noisy and jolting ride before, very dreamlike.

I folded the duvet down to my thighs and gently grasped my soft penis. I pulled and squeezed it gently, enjoying the slow change from flaccid to erect. I wasn't thinking erotic thoughts and of course had no porn, nor did I need any. I enjoyed slow-stroking my semi-hard cock for what seemed like a very long time, blissfully calm and happy. The pervasive sound of the train and the constant feeling of movement, rocketing through the night added a unique aspect to the experience.

Masturbation, or any sort of sex, usually follows a course through different levels and varieties of excitement. For men at least, and especially given the completely selfish nature of masturbation, the goal will be to craft a carefully managed intensification of sensation leading to climax. But something about the environment, perhaps the overwhelming white noise and gentle swaying, lulled me into a steady dreamlike state of sexual stasis. My penis stayed at full erection and the pleasure of gentle stroking without any intimation of approaching crisis, for what seemed like hours.

Eventually, for no apparent reason, the realization penetrated my dream-like state - I wanted to ramp up the experience and build towards orgasm. I was awake enough to consider the practical implications of - I didn't want to shoot semen onto the carpeted floor, or make a sticky damp spot in the narrow bed, nor did I want to fountain up over my belly and chest with no way to clean up.

So I resorted to an old trick from adolescence, when silence and secrecy were always a part of my guilty masturbation. I grabbed a sock that I had laid ready for morning, and pulled it on over my big rigid erection like a condom.

My penis is uncircumcised, allowing me to masturbate comfortably without lubrication, and protecting it from the constant abrasion against clothing that dulls the sensitivity of the glans experienced by men without a foreskin. So my penis, especially the glans and frenulum section, is very sensitive. Rubbing it inside a sock would usually be counter-productive, uncomfortably irritating and almost painful. So, as a boy, I never used a sock for stimulation, only at the ultimate stage, to trigger orgasm and contain the voluminous spurts of semen. But this time it was somehow different.

I pulled the loose sock-condom over my huge stiff prick and shivered with delight. I pressed the palms of both hands down on either side of the base of the shaft and thrilled at the black tower of sexual power rising straight up from my recumbent body, barely visible in the dim light. I waggled it a bit, squeezed it at the base, arched my hips up and clenched my groin muscles. It was a strange sort of simple self-worship, proudly thrusting up my icon of sexuality. 

Even the slightest movement caused the sock to shift against my hyper-sensitive member and sent shockwaves of sexual pleasure through my body. It wasn't the simple gratification of gentle stroking, it was more like electric shocks that made my whole body flinch. I was no longer dreamy, I was fully awake and excited.

I was amazed that this intense stimulation wasn't driving me towards orgasm. It was a new and reckless sort of edging, very close to climax but not quite over the edge. I was panting, probably groaning, and writhing in the bed as I wrestled with this monster, feeling like my body was an appendage of my penis, rather than the other way around. I had no idea how long I could keep it up, it was like roller coaster - you can't get off, you have ride it to the end.

The end came suddenly, with a feeling of speed and power just like the train that was hurtling me through space. Usually I manage to slow the final crescendo to orgasm into a sort of slow motion, savoring the inevitability then concentrating hard on enjoying orgasm and ejaculation with full consciousness.

But this time I was blind-sided, it went straight from electric-shocks of pleasure to wrenching throes of orgasm. The way my body was jerking pulled the sock back and forth and sharply stimulated me when normally I would have stopped touching altogether. The intensity was very close to pain, the excitement literally breath-taking.

In my frenzy I had kicked the duvet clear and my shirt was bunched up under my arms. It was totally dark but I was somehow still aware of this naked white body arched up from the bed, crowned with this huge phallic monument to which I was clinging with both hands. I pumped out several really juicy feeling ejaculations, then dozens of dry contractions, a truly amazing orgasm.

I lay still until my breathing returned to normal. My body was filmed with sweat and I began to get chilly. But my penis remained absolutely rigid, and I kept one hand clenched around it to immobilize the sock. Finally my erection softened, my foreskin crept protectively over my glans, and I carefully pulled the sock off and threw it on the floor. My penis was soft, and dry, and very happy. I pulled the duvet up and immediately fell asleep. 

Next thing I knew the train was clattering through the outskirts of London. I barely had time to pull on some pants before the porter knocked and passed in my breakfast tray.

I don't know if this true story is about sex on a train, or fucking a sock. Whatever, it was wonderful!

Working on the Railroad

As readers of this blog will know, I am always imagining and planning new ways, means, and places to masturbate. My penis is my best friend and most valued toy, and when I am not masturbating, I am probably thinking about it, or preparing for my next glorious solo hand-fucking.

I posted earlier about my first time masturbating in a comfortable berth on a sleeper train. That particular adventure occurred unexpectedly, but something similar has been in my mind for years.

I first had the idea when four friends of mine rode the overnight train from Oakland to Portland, with a private room and a couple of cases of beer. They basically drank their way north for eight hundred miles, a day and night of scenery and camaraderie. My version won't require as much beer, and will be a solo experience, cavorting around naked with my cabin door locked, watching the scenery and playing with myself all day, dressing for meals, then going back to self-loving all night. I haven't got around to fulfilling this particular fantasy yet, but I will do it someday.

I actually have such a trip planned for sometime in the next year. I will reserve a private sleeper berth with toilet and shower for the three day-two night run from Oakland to Chicago. I will pack a small suitcase, some beer, gin, snacks, porn, sex toys, and Viagra. I need to make sure I begin the trip well rested - and perhaps a bit sexually pent-up. It will be a romantic holiday,  just me and my penis.

The first day's run is in daylight across the Sierra Nevada, the historic first transcontinental railway route, so I will spend it in the vista car and other public spaces, enjoying the scenery. But after Reno it will be dark and a different sort of fun will begin. I will take a Viagra, have a light dinner, and a cocktail to get in the mood. I will lock myself in my cabin, take a shower then stay naked, my penis hanging long and expectant. I am already relishing those delightful first minutes as I enjoy my nudity and feel the sexual excitement building.

There will be twelve or so hours of darkness (depending on time of year) to devote to my erotic amusements, serious masturbation, and naps to recuperate. I estimate maybe six total hours of stroking my fully erect cock, alternating hand job with sex toys, plus some lower intensity erotic fun reading and writing, maybe some self-photography and lingerie play. I will limit myself to two big wet orgasms, trying not to get too depleted, so I will be eager for night two.

I will get dressed for breakfast and go up in the dome to watch the scenery as we cross the Rockies. Dinner will be somewhere around Denver, then another long night of indulging myself in penile pleasure as the train rattles and sways across the prairies. This time I will spend as long as I can building slowly and deliberately to the first wonderful orgasm  After a shower and nap I will start again, no limits this time, and cum two, three or four more times, then fall asleep exhausted.

I will spend a couple of non-sexual days in Chicago, then either fly home, or continue on by train. Maybe a sex-filled overnight to New Orleans, then a few days as a tourist there. When ready to move on again I will head west to Los Angeles, another two long uninterrupted nights to masturbate as much as I please. To close the loop it is just one daylight run back to Oakland.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Discovering Myself - Part Seven


23. Lola's sex show

Lola and I had been sharing sexual experiences, talking about them and experimenting with a little "hands on". We had both been enjoying masturbation to climax at home alone, and frankly describing what we did and how much we liked it. It was another lazy late-summer afternoon, we had minimal parental supervision, and we knew an excellent place to obtain some privacy.

There was no question about what we would do next. We hurried down to the carriage house, Greg's family were luckily still on vacation.

As soon as we were inside Lola began to undress, but I stopped her. I explained that the excitement of this new thing I was doing was all bound up with seeing, or even just imagining, her naked. Every night when I did myself in bed I was thinking of her pink nipples, of her naked white body. So I wanted her to strip slowly while I played with myself.

I was afraid she might be offended by the idea of doing that for me, but females instinctively desire attention, and there is no more sincere compliment than a guy getting all hard and horny while looking at a girl. We had actually done this before, with her dancing naked for me, except we didn't know about cumming then.

I pulled my shirt, pants, and underpants off, nothing coy on my side, though it still felt kind of daring to expose myself like that. I dragged a patio chair out of the recesses of the room, dusted it off and sat down, ready for the show. I think the sight of me sitting there naked, my big erection standing up in my hand, eager to watch her undress, turned her on.

I began to stroke my foreskin back and forth. I told her it was called jerking off and I just loved doing it. She put one hand up under her skirt and rubbed herself slowly as she watched me stroke. We were definitely doing the same thing, but in different ways.

I asked her to take her clothes off for me, slowly, that I had been dreaming of her breasts and nipples, told her yet again that I always pictured them when I jerked off. She was more than willing to oblige, I thought she might even be as excited as I was.

She started by taking her panties off, which surprised me, she just reached up under her skirt with both hands, pulled them down, stepped out of them, and threw them aside. It didn't reveal anything, she was still completely dressed, shoes even. She reached one hand up under her skirt, and began to move it steadily, breathing irregularly and getting kind of glassy eyed. It was incredibly sexy to know she was doing herself, even though I couldn't see any flesh.

She knew I wanted to see breasts, and nipples, and she was proud of what she had, how she looked. I would have been happy just to see her topless for awhile, but she was willing to give me a real show. And there was that promise she had made of "showing her everything". So she stopped what she had been doing under her skirt and started her strip-tease.

Lola unbuttoned her blouse slowly, holding my gaze. She flirted with her blouse hanging open, holding back one side then the other, showing me her bra-clad breasts one at a time. She reached up behind and unclasped her bra, then turned away and did something complicated, somehow taking her bra off without removing her top.

She normally wore a white poplin blouse, like a man's dress shirt, but this one was pink, silky and shimmery, and very thin. With no bra underneath I could clearly see her nipple bumps. She stepped up and let me run my hands over her breasts, feeling the warm soft softness and her nipples through the thin fabric. Then the peek-a-boo again, tantalizing glimpses with her blouse hanging loose.

I was enjoying the show, egging her on with praise, letting her know how her beauty and sexiness was turning me on. She danced around a bit with the blouse flapping loose, teasing me with flashes of pink-tipped white breasts.

She discarded the blouse and danced in just the skirt - she had rolled the waist band over several times to make it shorter. I got glimpses of her pale skin under the skirt as she twirled around, reminding me that she was pantyless.

She stared at me to make sure I was paying attention, then held her skirt up and posed, first back then front. I had seen her just plain naked before, but this overt showing off was sexier by far. She held her skirt out at the sides, waist high, and wagged her hips in sort of a hula, rubbing her thighs together and squirming deliciously. I was pretty sure the gyrations were stimulating the same place between her legs as her hand had been doing.

Her backside was classically beautiful, comparable to those Greek statues I had been ogling, perfectly shaped, pure white, and those dimples! Add a sexy wiggle and it was difficult to keep my prick from erupting right then.

The front view was different, tantalizing, but not satisfying. I wanted to see more than the plump white "v" and subtle cleavage. When she cupped her hand over her mound, with her fingers out of sight between her legs, still not showing me anything new, it made me even more impatient, I pumped my boner faster. She did her hula again, one hand holding her skirt up in front so I could see, the other between her thighs, touching something I couldn't see.

Finally she stepped out of the skirt and stood still, now completely nude and exposed to my gaze. Not just my gaze, I was also naked and stood up to show off how I stroked my big stiff penis.

Abruptly I stepped up and embraced her, then bent her backwards and started kissing her breasts and sucking her nipples. She grabbed my big thing and stroked it just the way she had seen me doing. For me this was heaven, my new-found delight of penis masturbation, and my obsessive motivation, breasts and nipples in my sight, in my hands and in my mouth.

It was the same delight as when I had first seen her naked, but now I knew what I was supposed to be doing, where it was all heading, how it would build to climax, so logical, so pleasurable, just so right. The only question was, would it be better to let her jerk me off, or did I want to do it myself to show off for her?

No hurry, I had learned a bit of control in my previous few days of serious masturbation, we could go on having fun for a long time without me cumming. Besides, I could do it more than once, I could show her how I shot white stuff, then she could do it for me.

But I wasn't ready to cum, I was thinking of Lola's "everything".

24. showing me her everything

I held Lola down and sucked her nipples greedily, then carefully reached down and cupped my hand over her pubic mound. This time she didn't object or push me away. It was soft and smooth, my middle finger found the little dimple of a cleft and discovered it was dewey moist. I eased my hand down further and it was much wetter. She had her thighs clamped tight, limiting how much exploration my hand could do, so I let go and straightened up.

Lola was ready. She pushed me back, walked across the room, jumped up on a workbench, spread her legs wide open, hoisted her heels up on the bench, and leaned back on her elbows. This was the most exciting thing yet, even better then the first time I had seen her nipples. The sight of her there on the bench, her legs wide open to show me everything, was a sight I will long remember.

I stepped up close and stared intently, this was all new to me. The plump flesh between her legs was milky white, but I could see a long slit with various shades of pink inside. She tipped her pelvis up a bit, then reached around her thighs with both hands and carefully pulled the slit open so I could see "everything".

I was impressed with the level of intimacy we had attained. Originally, a week earlier, I had only been after nipples, now here I was seeing things I had never even imagined, pink and moist. I kept stroking my boner and of course complimented her beauty and allure continuously.

Lola moved her fingers around, exploring her pink parts, showing them to me. There were plump white outer lips and a soft mound at the top with that cute little dimple. Thin inner lips ran down from the top. With her fingers she parted the inner lips, revealing more delicate pink flesh, glistening wet. She poked her finger a bit inside a softly puckered opening down near the bottom, a mystery to me what that was about.

At the very top there was what looked like a miniature penis, lying flat and almost hidden, where the two inner lips came together, forming sort of a foreskin. I had never heard about this, let alone seen one. It was such a fascinating idea that I actually stopped stroking myself and leaned forward to get a closer look. Lola obliged by poking the little dickie thing, moving it back and forth. She pulled the hood back, fully exposing a tiny round knob.

25. masturbating with Lola

Lola was having a lot of fun playing with herself as she showed me her most intimate parts. She started stroking her fingers lightly up and down her wet slit and vibrating her hand on the mound at the top. But she especially went for that little penis thing, which I could readily understand. Mine was huge and hers was tiny, but they worked the same way. I stroked with my full fist, or sometimes both hands, she used just the tip of a finger on the little knob, or three fingertips lined up to stroke along the hidden shaft.

I stepped back and thanked her for the anatomy lesson. I asked if this was what she had been doing to herself in bed, and if girls called it jerking off. She said she didn't know what to call it, but this was it, and she was going to cum for me too. She said the sight of me naked and pleasuring myself, and the way she was exposing her most private parts, was making her crazy.

None of this was going as I had imagined. I thought I would probably spend three minutes or so staring at her bare breasts and jerking myself, then give her a demonstration of male orgasm and ejaculation. But the way it had evolved it was more like jerking off together with her, the way I had with the boys, enjoying sex together.

It was a miracle that I had not climaxed yet. I think my intense interest in Lola's pink parts had been distracting me. But now the realization that she was feeling things similar to what I was feeling overwhelmed me and I knew it was going to happen. After only a few days practice I knew about inevitability. I told her, my voice strangely tense, that I was going to cum, the term I had learned from Ian.

I ordered her to look at me, right now, I wanted her to see me climax and shoot. She sat up a bit to watch, her fingers continuing the dance on her pubes.

It was a good cum, an overwhelming spasm of pleasure with six intense contractions and milky spurts (I counted), followed by five more dry contractions. I had turned aside so as not to shoot on Lola, my shots had gone at least six feet across the dusty floor. I let go and my big prick jerked up and down several times before it began to sink.

I knew I had put on an excellent show and hoped that Lola was appreciating it. She smiled and murmured, but she was already under the influence of something similar, her hand moving rapidly between her legs, alternating between rubbing up and down with her fingers and rotating with her palm. Her breathing was rapid, she was moaning and whimpering. I noticed the random detail that she was curling her toes down. Then she let out an actual scream, a long howl, her hand slowing and her entire body quaking. It was impressive, just what I had felt but without the squirt.

"That was incredible, I didn't know girls did that!" I enthused.

"Shut up, I am going to do it again."

"Me too!"

So we did it again, bonded by the shared experience, but not touching. I enjoyed seeing her naked, her wantonly exposed position, watching her breasts jiggle a bit, finding that the sight of all that new stuff between her legs was instinctively meaningful to me, or at least to my libido.

Lola took no more than a minute to hit another screaming peak, then she just kept going. Three minutes later we managed to time it so my second cumming coincided with her third.

Then we took a rest.

I looked around me. The floor where I had been pointing my spurts was generously spattered with streams and droplets. Lola sat up and crossed her legs, a more modest pose that failed to hide that she was sitting in a big wet spot.

I helped Lola down from her perch and we embraced, friends, naked and sex-crazed, but still just friends. I thought it was very sweet.

26. thinking about sex afterwards

I got Lola a chair and we each slumped down, relaxed, fulfilled, still tingling. We sat and looked at each other. Lola really was quite lovely, her flawless pale skin and soft contours. Our nudity, while no longer novel, was still exciting, and my big boner had never completely gone away.

We were smiling happily, feeling awfully good, deeply satisfied. The feeling was not just physical, the pleasure and release, but mental. We had accomplished something important, done it together, satisfied our curiosity and our pent up need to do something about our powerful urges. We had built up to it gradually, and now had followed it to its logical conclusion, at least so far as we knew.

We felt no guilt, but we wondered whether we should. There was no doubt that it was not something that could have been done openly, or even admitted to having done. We had been raised to be modest kids, polite and restrained. Getting naked and going wild the way we had was a dramatic departure from our previous behavior. Were we being bad? Was it really so awful to do something that seemed so natural?

It was certainly going further than most kids our age did, and in full daylight too. More typical behavior would have been starting to date a year or two later, kissing, groping in the dark. Few boys my age got to jerk off with a girl watching, and not many girls discovered how to masturbate when they were that young. We were off to a fast start on our individual sex lives, fully aware now of the other gender's anatomy and sexual function, dedicated and skillful masturbators.

But perhaps the most remarkable thing was that we stopped when we did. It was partly a natural reluctance to go too far too fast. It was also that we had both reached such a satisfactory conclusion, neither of us was left feeling needy or incomplete.

There was one point during the sex play with Lola when I had an inkling of what might be the next step. I had my penis in my hand, pointing at Lola from a few inches away. She had her legs spread and was holding her pink inner lips open. I had seen her put just the tip of her finger into that soft looking spot at the bottom of her pink slit. I thought, just briefly then, but again at greater length that night in bed, that it might feel nice to slide my penis in there. Like putting it into a sock, but slippery wet, and hot, and inside Lola.

There would be more exciting times with Lola before we were forced apart, but we never did fully consummate our sexual relationship. We never took the final step and shared the experience of bodies coupled together, me inside her, orgasming together.

In retrospect, maybe it was for the best. If we had proceeded the way we were headed we would inevitably have discovered authentic adult intercourse. But being lovers at fourteen would have been shocking, highly unusual in our culture, and bound to cause problems. As it was, when the parents found out, all they had to deal with was a supposition that we had been going too fast, not knowing how far.